I get a lot of emails from visitors to this site. The part of that statement that most would find surprising is the fact that a fair portion of them are from women looking for ‘daddies’. Since I also get a great deal of emails from men looking for diaper girls, I figured it was time to write up a little something from my own vantage point.
This is directed mostly at the men out there. Frankly, because the guys out there need my advice the most. Since these ladies talk to me, I have some insights that might help everyone find that special someone.
DOMINANT VS. SWITCH
One of the complaints I get most often from diaper girls is that the last ‘daddy’ they found interesting turned out to be a switch and wanted her to play ‘mommy’ sometimes. For some girls this is fun and interesting, but some diaper girls lose interest fast in that scenario. If you’re looking for a switch relationship, you need to share this information upfront to avoid disappointment on both sides later.
Why? Because there isn’t much worse for some submissive diaper girls than seeing her dominant ‘daddy’ dressed in a diaper and asking her to peg him. She wants a strong, dominant man that is a pillar of strength in her life. Someone she respects and fears. Of course, there are women that love the idea of a daddy in diapers, so just be honest and don’t lie about who you are in hopes of hooking up. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
LIFESTYLE VS. FETISH FUN
Some diaper girls are looking for a lifestyle, where their ‘daddy’ is in charge of all day to day activities. She would have an otherwise normal life, but would be expected to follow the rules her ‘daddy’ sets down. This lifestyle might entail her being diapered at all times or diapering may be for punishment only.
Other diaper girls are looking for a standard relationship that simply includes some kinky fun in the bedroom. Equal partners most of the time, but she sometimes wants to be stripped down and diapered before sex. Or she may be interested in the occasional weekend regression.
Again, make sure you are upfront about what you’re looking for and what you’re open to, because finding out those ‘lifestyle diaper girls’ are only interested in the occasional diapering can be off-putting.
DYNAMICS & CONTRACTS
It’s clear to any rational person that you cannot legally control someone in these ways. However, a written contract can lend itself well to the mental dynamics necessary in a relationship of this sort. Obviously if she doesn’t want to do something, she can simply leave and any attempt to press the issue will result in a prison sentence for you.
You simply need to realize this is the lifestyle she is seeking. A written contract that details the scope and limits of your relationship can be beneficial to both parties. If she has any particular hard limits, they can be included in a contract. This will help to ensure her obedience as well. She will know that as long as she abides by the terms of the contract, so will you.
An example of this might be as such: One of her hard limits is nothing blatant in front of her family, meaning not even a hint of this lifestyle to her family members. So long as she follows the terms of the contract, she has no fear that she will be outed to her family. That does not mean any rule violation will put her in jeopardy of a very awkward situation. It means that if she refuses to accept the punishment of said violation, she risks exposure.
ENFORCING THE RULES
This one applies mostly to the lifestyle diaper girls, but can apply to a degree to the fetish fun crowd as well. These types of relationship almost always have ground rules. If she breaks the rules, she needs to be punished. It is as much your responsibility to see that the punishments are administered as it her responsibility to follow the rules. If you let her skate on rule violations, you are doing her a disservice.
This applies to more than just rule violations. Any disrespect or obviously inappropriate behavior needs to be punished as well. It is your responsibility to take note of when inappropriate behavior requires punishment. Try not to overlook the small things. IE, having a heated conversation or debate over a topic is usually fine. However, if she belittles your opinion or shows disrespect, she needs to be punished.
The vast majority of the diaper girls I have spoken with have shared similar feelings on punishments. It’s not a punishment if it’s enjoyable. Most don’t enjoy being spanked, but feel it is necessary for the dynamic to truly work. She will likely beg you not to spank her, but if she’s earned it you need to follow through. Don’t go easy on her either. If the rule violation warrants a blistered butt, then you better blister her butt or she will learn nothing. If the violation calls for a week in diapers with no toilet privileges, FOLLOW THROUGH. Even if it means embarrassment in public. If it isn’t truly a punishment, then it ruins the dynamic for her.
One of the primary things that makes men and women different is what they look for in a partner. Base instincts of a man are to find a woman that would bear him strong and healthy children. This is why men tend to be preoccupied with looks. Women, on the other hand, are hard wired to be attracted to a man that can provide for her and her family. This is why women, in general, look for men of means. Money, position, etc.
That being said, being able to provide the life and dynamic she is looking for is going to be a big part of it. If you live in your parents basement, the diaper girls out there aren’t going to be interested no matter how well you fit in every other category. I’m not saying you should lie to them and say you’re rich. I’m saying you should get your own life in order and on the road to success before you expect those special diaper girls to show up on your doorstep.